Monday, January 18, 2010


I'm sorry if I did not meet your expectations, or have disappointed you. But never for once I submit my work without giving the best of me. I work my ass off hoping that it will present out what it should be presenting. Although I'm always saying that I'm lazy and such, but once I get started I will work hard, even if people's response might be "Huh? Is that all?" or "So, is this all you can do?". Yes, I'm an amateur but every pro was once an amateur. I made that decisions because I was hoping the best for the whole thing, I don't want things to fail because of me. I don't need sugar-coated words, I said it not because I'm emotionally disturbed, my brain is too small to save complicated human relationship stuffs. I guess that's what makes me a very unfriendly, unsociable person, I avoid having new human relationship network because of bad memories and experiences. I'm too afraid of being judged at and getting rejected since then. Sometimes I do try, but didn't turn out very well. But recently I came to a realization that I can't possibly live in the past forever, and thus for once in many years I feel like changing.   

I just feel like stating things out. I'm just being too much of a perfectionist, I strive too hard to reach upon others' expectations/needs, I have too many opinions and I care too much about how others think/feel, I'm stubborn-minded and I think too much, it's all my personal problems after all.


We being people, flesh and bone and blood. We reach for things that are impossible and are then upset when they don't happen. We attempt to impress strangers, even though we don't know them and they mean nothing to us. We try to please everyone, even though it makes life hard on us and in some cases bends or breaks our moral code. We try entirely too hard to be the sort of person that we aren't. We try too hard to ignore our faults, and in the process become bitter because of them. We try too hard to be invincible and are thus hit hard when we are forced to face our own mortality and pigheadedness. We try too hard to be perfect, and in the process, severely wound our self-esteem.

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